Sloan's Slate

Home of the hard hitting reporter - Sloan Barber

 
 
Sloan's Slate


Sloan's Slate
Stories from our hard hitting beat reporter

 

 

 

New Uniforms, But Same Result for Diamondbacks

By Sloan Barber
 AP Correspondent

July 15, 2013
Chicago, IL

 

Vidal Sassoon said it best "If you don't look good, we don't look good." - and the Diamondbacks took that advice to the baseball field Sunday, sporting a new and improved look with grey jerseys and a red southwestern look imminent of the current parent clubs digs. With a lighter look and feel the Diamondbacks were dressed to impress and finally get a winning streak going. Alas, it was not to be though as the Lansing Nuts defeated the Diamondbacks (only in the game, not fashion) with new found pitching prospect Shane Burmistrz again holding the opposition to a few hits and keeping the Diamondbacks in the game. The defense was again stellar except for one major error that cost a run or two, the main culprit was the "Weak" bats again. "At least the new uniforms accentuate my stretching prowess at 1st base" - Ted Andrysiak said. "I love the new look, but with the Cool Base™ underlay I may not have an Speed Stick® endorsement much longer" - Dan Herera. When asked about the new design Manager/Player Senese was quoted as saying - "I felt we needed a change, so I hired a consultant to give us a one-over, He (George) said, and I quote "You're going to like the way you look. I guarantee it."

 

 

Diamondbacks Go Distance, Come Up Short on "Legends" Day

By Sloan Barber
 AP Correspondent

June 30, 2013
Chicago, IL

 

The Diamondbacks were ready to play ball Sunday against the Pirates, as well as exchange some memories as a few long time Diamondbacks made starts on a hot June day. Taking the mound for the first time in years was Mike Flavin, in the outfield Kris Norton was found roaming a familiar center field, Nate Gass returned to the infield and pitched, and rounding out the line-up were Ted Andrysiak, and Sergio Senese. The Diamondbacks battled during both games with the second game going 10 innings. Flavin pitched a solid first game with some crafty pitches showing that the lefty still has some left in the tank as did newcomer Shane Burmistrz  who kept the Pirates in check most of the second game. Nate Gass proved he also has some business left on the mound as he closed out the second game. Tom Ventrice slugged his way around the bases with a double and single, while Kris Norton went 2-4 on the day. When asked if he was "nervous" about pitching Mike Flavin said "Scared baseball, makes no baseball".

 

 Kris Norton seemed to have a confidence about him "I never left the game, the game left me - So when are we going to get sleeveless jerseys". Nate Gass had a flashback on the mound - "See my last name, they don't call me that for nothing when I pitch". Ted Andrysiak was taking it all in - "I owe a lot to Sloan for breaking the story about my comeback last year, now that I am playing here on a regular basis. Since then I signed a long term contract and my ice cream sales have exceeded the proposed expectations". For those who need a recap Deans new ice cream flavor called Andrysi -YAK, a spinoff of their popular ‘Moose Tracks’ stable has been flying off the shelves since then. (Read The Good Rumor Man here)

 

Finally, player/manager Senese was quoted as saying - "Maybe I should tell these guys I am going to retire their jerseys numbers every week, I might have a few others (Sochacki, Cesak, Cipolla) show up".

 

 

Injuries, Lack of "Facilities" Prevent Diamondback Win

By Sloan Barber
 AP Correspondent

June 18, 2013
Chicago, IL

 

The Diamondbacks knew what they had to do to stop the Nuts, they just didn't know what was going to stop them. In a see-saw battle that was tied at one point, the Diamondbacks tired to overtake the Lansing Nuts but came up short. Dan Herrera had 4 hits on the day and starter Matt Schultz pitched an unbelievable game, keeping the D-Backs in it. The defense was not the problem nor the hitting this week, but injuries to a few players from the previous week left the roster depleted and no relief pitching or late bats to sub in, but a bigger problem was the lack of a good "Throne". In the late innings of the game catcher Matt Flavin felt the "Call of Nature" but was unable to unleash his primal duty. The end result forced Flavin to trade his bat in favor of a roll of Charmin, thus preventing a last inning rally.

"The turtlehead was poking, I had no choice" said Flavin, who missed his last at bat. "I was the only one who ever experienced having to take a Boo Boo, now they know my plight" - Ronnie "Boo Boo" Coleman. When poised with all the dilemmas facing the team currently Manager Senese was quoted as saying "The University splurged on the new bleachers for our fans, so I guess they figured players would use the bushes and leaves". "I am in the process of putting out a bid for services, so far Port-O-John and LepreCAN™ are the front runners". Asked which one may be the answer to the Diamondbacks duty dilemma Senese hinted "I believe LepreCAN™ has what it takes to give us that "pot" of gold we seek, besides we could use a little luck right now".   

 

Diamondbacks Lumber in Slumber

By Sloan Barber
 AP Correspondent

June 10, 2013
Chicago, IL
 

The Diamondbacks came out Sunday in a bit of a fog, after a few weeks off due to rain the D-Back defense was rustier than a fencepost nail. The first few innings were laden with gifts of walks and errors. The offense finally came around in the latter half of the game, but it was not enough, as the D-backs were scalped 5-3 by the Indians. "We are looking into a sponsorship deal with CLR™ - to rid us of oxidation built up over the last few weeks" Manager Senese was overheard saying. The second set was jigsaw puzzle of a lineup due to 4 players having to leave because of being under contract to appear at the Jewel Food Store down the street to promote a new product. “I don’t get involved with endorsements, I am my own endorsement” said player Matt Flavin. I hope that the next games bring better results and some free products.